OMG Kate...this is so so stunningly beautiful, relatable, everything amazing that art should be. Thank you for making this piece, thank you for sharing it, thank you for risking judgment and everything else that forces us into cages. I'm a writer, but I'm at a loss for words. So grateful. Please keep creating. The world is a better place because of your work!
Ah, Gail, thank you so much for your kind words! I'm so grateful that you've spent time with this story and taken it in. It means so, so much to me. Here's to continuing to make art that connects us, yes? <3
HOLY shit. This is brilliant, Kate/Bardette. Thank you for your bold honesty and vulnerable story. I truly believe that we cross paths with people we need to learn from and people who to learn lessons from us, as well. You've touched on so many things in this piece that I relate to. I wish we could sit down together for a cup of coffee. So happy to have found you and your work in this wacky Substack world. Cheers, and thanks for sticking around! The world needs you.
Thank you so much for reading and listening, Nan! I absolutely agree - we are all teachers to each other, even in moments when the lessons are the most painful. I'm grateful I've stuck around, too, because the learning isn't over, and we need each other and our stories! Let's have our virtual cup of coffee soon :)
I feel like the learning has just begun for me, because I have so many new tools. Like my life is beginning. It's an extraordinary feeling. There have been many times when I wanted to leave, too. But something keeps me here, and for that I'm grateful. I think it's about accessing and owning my higher Self. TTYL!
I'm so glad that that Something has kept you here, Nan. The world needs you - and your higher self - right back. Our lives ARE beginning. It's beyond words.
Bravo, bravo Kate! This is courage in action. I can only imagine what it took for you to hit the publish button on this but please know that it will help many people. Your choice to remain vulnerable and open invites us to do the same, your call to remain true to yourself moves us all further in that direction. May you go forward from here and shine your glorious self all over the place!!
Thank you so much, Donna! It's so validating and affirming to hear this, especially after, yes, the extraordinary amount of courage needed to finally be visible in this truth. We all deserve to be seen and heard! I am grateful that you've listened here.
I'm so sorry that we've shared this experience, Maria - it's a pain that goes beyond words, as I'm sure you know. I send you peace right back. Your truth matters! Thank you for reading and listening.
We don’t know each other and it looks like we are different generations, but the same exact story happened to me very recently — except the couple was comprised of two women. This best friend was the most well-matched-to-me friend I have ever had. We shared in common everything we each loved…even down to the fact that each of us is traveling through life with a chronic illness (we didn’t love that part!).
I could tell a longer story here, but let’s just suffice it to say that I would love it if friendship — close friendship — were valued in this culture in the same way that marriage is. How different and more expansive all of our lives could be if sharing won instead of jealousy. And, I’m not talking polyamory here (although that is always an option for some). So many ways this closeness could be worked out! I especially thought elder women would really know themselves enough, and have it together enuf by then, to be able to do that… I’m 63, she and her partner are nearing 80. But, sadly in our culture women are taught to fear each other as a threat. When will that stop?? When women have as much power in this culture as men do…
Anyway, stopping by to say, I LOVED your illustrated story. Brilliant! You are brave for sharing it. And… it’s not your fault.
Ah, Julia, thank you so much for sharing your story here. I am so sorry that we've navigated extremely similar situations. I couldn't agree with you more - I feel that friendship is one of the highest forms of relating we have available to us as humans, and for me it can be the most treasured and expansive (but also complex)! I hope that we can collectively value it more in time, and also not view it as such a threat to other systems and ways of relating. It's actually a bolster.
And you're absolutely right. Patriarchy has its own subtle way of turning women against each other. It's perhaps the most nefarious form of misogyny out there, and it's heartbreaking to both witness and experience it.
Thank you for reading my story. You're right! It's not my fault. And it's not yours. Big love to you, Julia!
Your gift of honesty, truth, and love shines into those dark haunts and comes through the other side to rebirth. Your writing has always been powerful, and this piece expresses your strength in even more vulnerable ways. Thank you, once again, for sharing your journey with the very core of your being. Proud to know you, dear friend. That will never change. Look forward to much more thoughtful prose illustrated with your artistic musings. 🥰
Thank you, Brenda! The pride is absolutely mutual. I am so grateful to have you walking alongside and witnessing my story with such compassion and love. Thank you for reading and listening.
This is the first post of yours that I just discovered, and I'm so glad I did. Thank you for sharing your journey. Opening your heart takes so much bravery - and I'm glad the shame and isolation didn't win. I've been there. I'm sure you know this now, but you aren't alone and you are beautiful and your big heart shows through your art and writing.
I am grateful for your kind words here, Alison! Thank you for them, and thank you for listening to my story. It truly is an honor to share this vulnerable leg of my journey with you, and all those who have been willing to listen. From my big heart to yours, thank you.
Ahh Kate, this is gorgeous. Thanks for sharing it, and for your vulnerability and bravery in doing so—the struggle resonates. What an art form for your words and wisdom, too! Keep going! Sending love—
It’s so lovely to see your name appear here, my friend! Gratitude to you for listening to my story. I’ve finally found the medium that works for the words inside me, and I’m eager to keep sharing them with you. Thank you <3
The reason he told his wife was because he needed to be honest with her. That’s good. Also, because he was afraid. That’s understandable. His wife was defending her life. That’s understandable. To knit the rent in the fabric of their marriage, they needed to separate from you. That’s understandable. They panicked and in their panic they were cruel. That was unnecessary but panic will do that.
Your story with him is a different story than his story with her. It’s also a different story than your story with her. All that is obvious but bears stating anyway; it’s easily forgotten when things get messy. And each of you has a separate backstory. That means there are 12 relationships between any 3 people.
Bear with me as I’m working this out on the fly; not just for you but for me too. I guess what I want to say is that forever is a long time. People are dynamic. Relationships are dynamic. People harm people both intentionally and unintentionally when their survival is at stake.
You did nothing wrong AT ALL. You were living your life. They were doing the same. You were being open and honest. That is not a guarantee against harm. Assigning blame is pointless. Your goals were incompatible. People change.
You are immensely important. Especially right now at this disgusting junction in our national history. You have a story and a voice that is part of a larger collective experience. Alone we are lost. Individually we are powerless. Together, we are a threat. Let’s be a threat.
I loved this. In you telling your story, I feel less alone with mine, even though after more than 10 years, after feeling profound grief and despair, I realize in writing this that my pain is as sharp as ever. I have never been more sure that the ideas of proper love, proper relationships, are profoundly unenlightened.
Ahh, Sydney, thank you. I’m tucking your words right into my heart. Here’s to huge and limitless loving within our gorgeous and needed community 💛
OMG Kate...this is so so stunningly beautiful, relatable, everything amazing that art should be. Thank you for making this piece, thank you for sharing it, thank you for risking judgment and everything else that forces us into cages. I'm a writer, but I'm at a loss for words. So grateful. Please keep creating. The world is a better place because of your work!
Ah, Gail, thank you so much for your kind words! I'm so grateful that you've spent time with this story and taken it in. It means so, so much to me. Here's to continuing to make art that connects us, yes? <3
YES!!!
HOLY shit. This is brilliant, Kate/Bardette. Thank you for your bold honesty and vulnerable story. I truly believe that we cross paths with people we need to learn from and people who to learn lessons from us, as well. You've touched on so many things in this piece that I relate to. I wish we could sit down together for a cup of coffee. So happy to have found you and your work in this wacky Substack world. Cheers, and thanks for sticking around! The world needs you.
Thank you so much for reading and listening, Nan! I absolutely agree - we are all teachers to each other, even in moments when the lessons are the most painful. I'm grateful I've stuck around, too, because the learning isn't over, and we need each other and our stories! Let's have our virtual cup of coffee soon :)
I feel like the learning has just begun for me, because I have so many new tools. Like my life is beginning. It's an extraordinary feeling. There have been many times when I wanted to leave, too. But something keeps me here, and for that I'm grateful. I think it's about accessing and owning my higher Self. TTYL!
I'm so glad that that Something has kept you here, Nan. The world needs you - and your higher self - right back. Our lives ARE beginning. It's beyond words.
Wow, no words. Thank you for sharing so vulnerably. I’m glad you’re here 🩶
Thank you for reading, Evan! And for being here, too 🩵
This is heart wrenching—but this is also, I think a…
“Maybe you were born with it. Maybe? It’s demisexuality.”
🤍🤍🤍
I have definitely wondered if I have a stroke of the demisexual in me! 🙏
Bravo, bravo Kate! This is courage in action. I can only imagine what it took for you to hit the publish button on this but please know that it will help many people. Your choice to remain vulnerable and open invites us to do the same, your call to remain true to yourself moves us all further in that direction. May you go forward from here and shine your glorious self all over the place!!
Thank you so much, Donna! It's so validating and affirming to hear this, especially after, yes, the extraordinary amount of courage needed to finally be visible in this truth. We all deserve to be seen and heard! I am grateful that you've listened here.
Thank you for sharing this and thank you for your art. I, too, have fallen for friends and been punished for my truth, and I am sending you peace.
I'm so sorry that we've shared this experience, Maria - it's a pain that goes beyond words, as I'm sure you know. I send you peace right back. Your truth matters! Thank you for reading and listening.
Oof, what a story - more than a story, though, a journey. Thanks for sharing Kate, love the format and illustrations!
A journey indeed! Thank you for reading, Troy 🙏
Dear Kate,
We don’t know each other and it looks like we are different generations, but the same exact story happened to me very recently — except the couple was comprised of two women. This best friend was the most well-matched-to-me friend I have ever had. We shared in common everything we each loved…even down to the fact that each of us is traveling through life with a chronic illness (we didn’t love that part!).
I could tell a longer story here, but let’s just suffice it to say that I would love it if friendship — close friendship — were valued in this culture in the same way that marriage is. How different and more expansive all of our lives could be if sharing won instead of jealousy. And, I’m not talking polyamory here (although that is always an option for some). So many ways this closeness could be worked out! I especially thought elder women would really know themselves enough, and have it together enuf by then, to be able to do that… I’m 63, she and her partner are nearing 80. But, sadly in our culture women are taught to fear each other as a threat. When will that stop?? When women have as much power in this culture as men do…
Anyway, stopping by to say, I LOVED your illustrated story. Brilliant! You are brave for sharing it. And… it’s not your fault.
Ah, Julia, thank you so much for sharing your story here. I am so sorry that we've navigated extremely similar situations. I couldn't agree with you more - I feel that friendship is one of the highest forms of relating we have available to us as humans, and for me it can be the most treasured and expansive (but also complex)! I hope that we can collectively value it more in time, and also not view it as such a threat to other systems and ways of relating. It's actually a bolster.
And you're absolutely right. Patriarchy has its own subtle way of turning women against each other. It's perhaps the most nefarious form of misogyny out there, and it's heartbreaking to both witness and experience it.
Thank you for reading my story. You're right! It's not my fault. And it's not yours. Big love to you, Julia!
"actually a bolster" ... ABSOLUTELY! Sending love to you.
💛💛💛
Your gift of honesty, truth, and love shines into those dark haunts and comes through the other side to rebirth. Your writing has always been powerful, and this piece expresses your strength in even more vulnerable ways. Thank you, once again, for sharing your journey with the very core of your being. Proud to know you, dear friend. That will never change. Look forward to much more thoughtful prose illustrated with your artistic musings. 🥰
Thank you, Brenda! The pride is absolutely mutual. I am so grateful to have you walking alongside and witnessing my story with such compassion and love. Thank you for reading and listening.
This is the first post of yours that I just discovered, and I'm so glad I did. Thank you for sharing your journey. Opening your heart takes so much bravery - and I'm glad the shame and isolation didn't win. I've been there. I'm sure you know this now, but you aren't alone and you are beautiful and your big heart shows through your art and writing.
I am grateful for your kind words here, Alison! Thank you for them, and thank you for listening to my story. It truly is an honor to share this vulnerable leg of my journey with you, and all those who have been willing to listen. From my big heart to yours, thank you.
Ahh Kate, this is gorgeous. Thanks for sharing it, and for your vulnerability and bravery in doing so—the struggle resonates. What an art form for your words and wisdom, too! Keep going! Sending love—
It’s so lovely to see your name appear here, my friend! Gratitude to you for listening to my story. I’ve finally found the medium that works for the words inside me, and I’m eager to keep sharing them with you. Thank you <3
The reason he told his wife was because he needed to be honest with her. That’s good. Also, because he was afraid. That’s understandable. His wife was defending her life. That’s understandable. To knit the rent in the fabric of their marriage, they needed to separate from you. That’s understandable. They panicked and in their panic they were cruel. That was unnecessary but panic will do that.
Your story with him is a different story than his story with her. It’s also a different story than your story with her. All that is obvious but bears stating anyway; it’s easily forgotten when things get messy. And each of you has a separate backstory. That means there are 12 relationships between any 3 people.
Bear with me as I’m working this out on the fly; not just for you but for me too. I guess what I want to say is that forever is a long time. People are dynamic. Relationships are dynamic. People harm people both intentionally and unintentionally when their survival is at stake.
You did nothing wrong AT ALL. You were living your life. They were doing the same. You were being open and honest. That is not a guarantee against harm. Assigning blame is pointless. Your goals were incompatible. People change.
You are immensely important. Especially right now at this disgusting junction in our national history. You have a story and a voice that is part of a larger collective experience. Alone we are lost. Individually we are powerless. Together, we are a threat. Let’s be a threat.
I loved this. In you telling your story, I feel less alone with mine, even though after more than 10 years, after feeling profound grief and despair, I realize in writing this that my pain is as sharp as ever. I have never been more sure that the ideas of proper love, proper relationships, are profoundly unenlightened.